Recharging... with Art!

Lately I've been finding myself in need of some serious recharging and renewal. Without really doing it on purpose, I ended up withdrawing from all the things I normally love doing (knitting, spinning, blogging, etc). And I think it's because I'd managed to turn my hobbies into "work" in the sense that I was starting to feel guilty and stressed out if I wasn't doing them almost all the time. I was putting so much pressure on myself, by turning ideas and goals into obligations and deadlines, until I just had to take a break for a little while. For the last few weeks I haven't done a whole lot in the way of crafts for my Etsy shop - instead I've just been letting myself do whatever interests me. And now I can see things from a different perspective and I think this is exactly what I needed to help breathe new life into my shop and my craft. So, here are some of the things I've been up to...

I've been watching tons of videos on YouTube about art and keeping an art journal. There are lots of great videos and channels dedicated to art but the one that caught my attention first and served as my gateway into the world of art-themed videos was Suziblutube. I especially love her Art Journal Playshop videos, which offer prompts, ideas and inspiration for journal pages. Her enthusiasm for art is so infectious that I had to go out and get a journal for myself. Another really great one is Willowing. Her videos weave together art and spirituality and present the idea of an art journal as therapy, which is exactly what it's been in my experience.

I've been keeping my journal for about 2 weeks now and I am surprised at how much I love it! I've never really considered myself an artist in terms of visual art - I never even had much of an interest in making art. But I have been enjoying it on so many levels. Because of the fact that I didn't know anything about drawing and painting when I started this, I had no expectations of myself at all. It has been so wonderful to allow myself to be a beginner again and to be okay with making mistakes! It's shown me that I need to show myself patience and kindness and compassion, which is something I think I've needed for a long time. I've heard it time and time again - if you're not willing to make mistakes you can never make anything original. There have been moments while I'm painting in my journal that I've gotten so absorbed in the process that I don't even worry about the outcome, and that is something I have not felt in a long time. I'm hoping to bring this same attitude to my knitting, sewing, spinning, etc. because I really do love it and I miss being excited about filling up my shop coming up with new ideas. I think that's going to be the key to getting my enthusiasm back. Trying new things, and being willing to make mistakes. I've got some yarn I don't mind wrecking - it's time to get bold with my knitting!

Anyway, here's a little slide show of my art journal so far. There's only a few pages but I thought I'd show you what I've been doing...

Another thing that really appeals to me about these women on YouTube is that they seem so honest and they share so much of themselves. This is something I've struggled with - finding a balance between being professional in my Etsy shop and sharing personal content on my blog and elsewhere. And with the art I've been making I find I'm able to be more candid because I'm not trying to make a business out of it. And the interactions I've had with some of the other folks on YouTube have been so very authentic and satisfying that I plan to bring some of that transparency into my shop and my blog as well. Right now I'm all about integrating the various facets of myself into a whole representation of who I am and what I'm passionate about. Because afterall, isn't that what drew me to Etsy and the idea of sharing my work online in the first place?

So, I'm going to focus on trusting the process, relaxing into it and being patient with myself. I have lots of great ideas and if I don't get around to them all this season, I'll just have to save them for next year... and trust that the time will be right then. When we exert too much control over the direction we take we can end up missing out on some great twists and turns. Basically I'm beginning to realize that if I stop thinking of my life as being compartmentalized into work and play, productive or non-productive use of time, etc. I can look at everything I do as having value and helping me get to where I want to be.

Now I'm itching to get back to "work" on my Etsy stuff with a new sense of perspective. I'm going to start with spinning because it is in itself a very meditative process and I think it will be a great way to gently get back on track and get myself motivated to do more. I'm about half way done spinning some SW Merino that I dyed myself - one of my very first attempts (the green one) and then I'm going to dive into this amazing roving I got the other day from All Spun Up on Etsy. Isn't it gorgeous?

I can't wait to get back into the swing of things. I'm so glad I gave myself this time to reflect and recharge.

A New Goal - 100 Items!

I've been in a nice creative mode lately. Between making a whole whack of new headbands and pouches, and fine-tuning the other new ideas I have for the upcoming months, I've really been excited about my work! I've been listing regularly, participating in forum discussions on Etsy and reading lots of blogs. It's been great getting reacquainted with all the awesome people on Etsy and my enthusiasm for my shop has been renewed - it feels really good!

Still, I've noticed myself stalking my own shop, checking and rechecking for sales and other activity. You Etsy sellers know the what I mean - you log on, check out the shop, answer convos, maybe head to the forums, make a few posts. And hey, while you're still on you might as well check the shop again. Maybe read a couple of blogs, check out Ravelry or Flickr or the like. And you never know, maybe something's happened in the shop by now, better check again... and so on until you start to feel disappointed and discouraged that nothing has sold and you want to scream at yourself to step away from the computer! And of course meanwhile all that time could have been spent actually making something! It's okay, you don't have to admit it (but I might feel less crazy if you did!) I know I can't be the only one!

will KNIT for food american apparel tank top
by moresassvintage (I LOVE this shirt!)

I've decided it's time for me to try a new tactic. I want to enjoy the creative process and the feeling of productivity and stop at that. I don't want to worry about whether or not things are going to sell when I'm making them because it inevitably takes much of the fun and freedom out of the process. So, I've got myself a new goal. Instead of watching my sales so closely I'm going to focus on filling up my shop. I'm aiming for 100 items and I'm really looking forward to working toward that goal. I've got some great ideas for Spring and Summer and I want to approach them whole-heartedly. And hey, if sales are slow, it'll actually be helping me to reach 100 items. Well, I wouldn't go that far, but at least I'll have something else to focus on!

In a similar vein, I'm reading a GREAT book right now called "Your Money or Your Life" by Vicki Robin & Joe Dominguez. It's all about changing your relationship with money and work, and (among other things) recognizing the value of the unpaid work that you do in your life. The book is basically set up like a course, and I'm just reading it through once to get a broad view before I start in on the program. I plan to start a new series on my blog to share any insights I gain in the process of working through the book in earnest. For now, in order to help escape the craft=sales trap, I'm making a point of noticing all the things I get from selling on Etsy that have nothing to do with money. Like the chance to get to know so many great people and talented artists, and the encouragement and kindness of other sellers, or being a part of a movement that is questioning the mentality of our society and working to re-educate people on the value of handmade art. These are just a few of the many benefits of Etsy, the ones that are available whether sales are up or down.

Artwork by (you guessed it) an Ape!

I'll leave you with an excerpt from the book, about a study conducted on apes that fits perfectly with what I've been thinking about lately.

"In The Biology of Art, zoologist Desmond Morris tells of an experiment in introducing the "profit motive" to apes. The first step was teaching them to be artists and to produce drawings and paintings that were decidedly lovely. Once their "art" was established he began to "pay" them, rewarding them with peanuts for their work. Under the reward system their artwork quickly deteriorated, and they began turning out hasty scrawls just to get the peanuts. "Commercialism" destroyed the apes as artists and got them scrambling for the peanut instead."

Something to think about... Fellow crafters, feel free to leave your thoughts on this subject in a comment - I'd love to hear them! What do you do to stay motivated when sales are down? What other forms of "payment" do you get for your artwork?

Rediscovering Leisure

Yesterday was another gorgeous day and I feel great for having taken full advantage of the first couple Spring days we've had. On Saturday after I found that cutting up old clothes can be a huge mood booster, I made the most of my motivation and went for an hour-and-a-half bike ride, my first since I packed the bike away for the winter. I rode all through the trails by my house, up to the park and the man-made (but still beautiful) lake there. It was a wonderful first day of Spring.

Yesterday I taught my guitar lessons, did some spinning on the deck, and then met up with my brother for dinner. We had about an hour left of daylight after we ate so we took my guitar and a drum and hung out in a field near my house.

It occurred to me as we were playing songs and enjoying the sunshine that I still felt anxious. I had this nagging feeling that I should be doing something. Like in order to really be making the most of the day and the moment I should either be doing something productive or at least entertaining. I realized that since I've become an adult and been increasingly able to buy different things and experiences I've become increasingly unable to just relax and be.

I used to do it all the time. I would spend hours just sitting outside listening to music, or reading, or writing, or just daydreaming. Now, if I think of doing something outside, it's always something that requires planning ahead and organizing some kind of activity, usually something I pay for. So, I've decided to work on getting back to basics. To allow myself true leisure time, without having to have something to show for it afterward. To focus on the quality of the story of my life instead of just the plot.

I have noticed lately that whenever I am asked to spend time with someone, I immediately run through all the other things I could accomplish with that time. I feel like I have to justify every moment I spend. I can foresee this kind of thinking getting out of hand very quickly, and I know it's already hurt some of the people I love when I am always making excuses why I can't see them. I think in our society "work" always trumps leisure or recreational time, and I really don't want that to be the way I live my life. So, I'm making a conscious decision to reassert my right to leisure and to welcome spontaneity back into my life. After all, if I hadn't agreed to sit with my brother in a field yesterday I would have missed out on this:

Which, as it turned out, was the perfect end to an awesome day.

Perspective...

I've been thinking a lot recently about the reasons why I decided to cut back at my day job and make a go of selling my knitware, handspun yarns, etc. on Etsy. When you're working in a job that you don't particularly care about, money quickly becomes the primary motivator and the main measure for success in your life. I have coworkers who just can't fathom that I'd give up 40% of my pay cheque to have 2 extra days a week to myself. But I had reached a point where time was flying past me at breakneck speed, each week exactly the same as the last, and I thought, "There has to be a better way to live!" I made the change so I could live a more authentic, fulfilling and pleasant life.

© vitty_vinitha

But that ingrained need for financial security can be a hard one to shed. As with most things in life, it takes more than changing the external circumstances to really get at the root of the problem. Especially in the midst of the current economic situation, it's quite easy to succumb to that low level anxiety that we are all conditioned to feel about money, until you realize you've just traded one "job" for another and are in danger of turning your favorite pastimes into "work".

Every once in a while, I am provided with a reminder that I need, and a gentle nudge in a better direction. For example, before Christmas I was researching ways to improve my shop, direct more traffic to it, as well as my blog, and maximize the effectiveness of the time I spend on promoting. I was reading a lot of great tips on the Etsy forums and in the articles of Timothy Adams, who has loads of free advice for Etsy sellers (definitely worth checking out). He's got so many great suggestions in fact that I began to get a little overwhelmed, thinking I had to try them all right away and I was not doing enough to get the word out about my shop. In short I had developed tunnel vision, only looking at things in terms of their marketing effectiveness. There are so many tools available to online sellers and only so much time in a day to make use of them, that I started to get stressed out! And worse, I was spending so much time trying to do everything I could to promote that it was cutting into my actual creative time in a big way. This is what I mean about changing more than the outside situation, because I was starting to look at my Etsy business the same way I had my day job, in terms of profitability instead of enjoyment.

The reminder came when I visited the Etsy forums to post a link to my blog on a blog roll thread. My intention when I posted was to direct people to my blog, but while I was there I also clicked a few of the links to other blogs listed and found myself directed to some unexpected places. Instead of blogs that were devoted solely to self-promotion, I found pockets of the world that reflected the interests and personalities of the writers, and were so interesting and selfless that they shook me out of my stress-induced trance and reminded me of why I'm doing this in the first place. I'm sure there are tons of great blogs like these out there, but I'd like to share the two that really stood out for me that day.

Cradle of Life Fertility Necklace and Earrings Set

The first is Believe Breathe Birth, written by Etsy seller Bellyblessings, who makes beautiful jewelry inspired by pregnancy and birth. This blog provides "pregnancy & birth affirmations, quotes, journal prompts, ideas & activities for birth preparation and celebrating the childbearing year". The post I read that day struck me as such a positive statement for expecting mothers, and I was impressed by the generosity involved in taking the time to offer it up to the world.

Manipura Mala

The second blog that caught my eye is MayhemArts' blog, Art, Life, Yoga.... MayhemArts sells beautiful handmade malas (used for meditation or chanting mantras) as well as photopraphic prints and ACEO's of yoga inspired artworks. This blog is so well-rounded that it really opened my eyes to the potential of blogging beyond mere self-promotion. The posts are inspiration and informative, and they really give a sense of the person behind the scenes.

I'd like to thank both of these people for reminding me what's really important and why I wanted to sell online in the first place. There are so many cool people taking part in the "handmade movement" online and it can be just as rewarding to make connections or promote others as it is to make that sale you're working towards (if not more so).

© bryan.dawson

I've put in a lot of effort to get my Etsy shop going, and I'm quite happy with it so far. Although there are always going to be things that I can improve, it doesn't mean I have to get them all done right now. I just need to get beyond this idea that I have to be really successful before I can relax and enjoy this. The time to enjoy it is now. I can put the stress down at any time - I just have to decide consciously to do so. To remind myself that this is what I wanted, and that I've already arrived at where I wanted to be. Now I only need to enjoy the journey. The timing will take care of itself, the sales will come, and things will get done if I just do what I really care about. I'm just trying to find a balance between healthy discipline and productivity and unhealthy stress and worry.

Knitting Overload

I've been busy today. I've got quite a few things on the go and I spent the day trying to wrap up what I could and get a handle on the rest. I spun, I knitted, I planned and schemed.

My main focus right now is making knitted accessories for Fall to put in my Etsy shop. I've been developing a pattern for a nice fluffy cowl, and after a few attempts, I think I'm getting close to what I want. Here it is in green.

It's made with 100% Baby Alpaca yarn and it is probably the softest thing I've ever felt. The stitch I used, knit on big needles, plays up the softness of the yarn and traps lots of air for warmth. I've also got a button-up version in creamy off-white ready to go, but no photos of it so far.

I am so eager to get these into my shop that I tried to take some pictures with myself as the model today. The pictures turned out okay, but I can only do so much with the camera at arm's length and no way to see the shot I'm capturing... I've enlisted a couple of friends to be my models, and I hope to spend some time with them this weekend. I was fortunate enough to be able to photo my fabric headbands by myself throughout the summer, but this is something I'll need help with.

This last month or so has been crazy at my day job, so I've been going in 5 days a week, and I think it's taking it's toll on my ability to produce things for my shop. I really want to list a new yarn soon, and I'm also still working on a proto-type for some fingerless gloves. I can't wait until I go back to part time - I've really missed having those extra 2 days to craft! Oh well, there's no rush. Fall's not going anywhere, and I know that once I get these pieces finished and photographed right it will be worth the wait.

Goliath

I've just spend the last hour or so spinning on the deck, watching the sunlight shifting on the trees in my backyard and listening to The Brian Jonestown Massacre until it got too dark to see my yarn and my little toes got too cold to treadle. I am almost in a state of bliss right now. I mean, isn't this exactly the kind of thing I was hoping to be able to do when I set out to work less and live more a few months ago? Isn't that pretty much a perfect moment, spinning outside while the sun goes down? And the nice thing is that I was able to appreciate it while I was in it, instead of thinking about how it could be better... That's quite an achievement for me. I think I'm starting to realize that there isn't one moment when everything lines up in your life and you think "I've arrived" but rather a series of little moments like this one that are perfect in and of themselves. The only thing I have to do is to notice and accept these little pockets of paradise.

Anyway, I've had a few requests for pictures of my new wheel. Thanks for the interest! I've decided to name him Goliath because he's big, clunky and he was pretty scary until I learned to control him.

I was bummed out the first time I sat down to spin on this wheel and produced barely twisted yarn that pulled apart and was super lumpy and uneven (not in a good way either). But, I persisted, and I was rewarded for my efforts. I learned that this wheel is going to want to pull the yarn faster than I can even draft it! I just have to be firm and pull right back until there's enough twist built up. There's no way to adjust the tension or speed except with the treadling, so it definitely took some getting used to.

Tonight I was spinning the very same type of fibre as that dreaded first try, some extremely soft BFL dyed by Lynne at Knitopia / West Coast Colour. I was worried that the fibre had something to do with the loose twist and unevenness of the first batch, but I don't think that's the case. It's turning out quite well this time around. Here's the first 1/5 or so of what I bought.

One last picture. Note the humongous bobbin (but don't mind the poor broken dandelion in the background). Even if (when) I get another wheel, I could definitely see keeping Goliath just to ply on. I don't think I could fill that giant bobbin if I tried!

You mean I'm not the only one?

For the past few weeks the pressure has been building... I've been re-reading the Ishmael trilogy by Daniel Quinn, which is always an eye-opening experience for me. I got the latest of the three, My Ishmael, for Christmas and I guess that's what started this most recent bout of restlessness for me. This book really gets into the origins of our culture of working our whole lives for food, money, security. It turned my attention to my life, to the last 10 years or so that have flown by while I worked one meaningless but tolerable job after another.

After a short panicky period during which my boyfriend had to convince me that it's not realistic for me to run away from "society" and live off the land, I calmed down and set out some plans that were do-able for me. These include: cutting back my day job to 3 days a week for now (hopefully altogether down the road), working on my passions, music, guitar lessons, crafts. I've decided to start cooking for myself instead of eating out, and this includes buying free-range chicken and eggs, and supporting local farming operations instead of the huge corporations that are ravaging the planet. These are the small things I can do for now.

I have been inspired by the artists on Etsy, the supportive community there, and the hand-made movement that is taking place. I have bought quite a few items on Etsy, for myself and for others. This was definitely an "Etsy Christmas" for me, and it was so calm and wholesome. I think I spent a total of about 1 hour in the mall this year. One of my favorite indulgences so far were these beautiful hand-forged silver lotus flower earrings, from Stone Soup Jewelry. I wear them pretty much every day.



For my mother, who has been spinning yarn for the last year or so, I got some gorgeous batts from Loop. I couldn't believe how stunning this fibre was. I can't wait to see the yarn she spins from this, and also to learn to spin myself.


And today I read a post on Suze Adams' blog, 2am, which echoed the thoughts I've been having. Suze also has an Etsy shop, Coffee Cup Quilting, and has taken the plunge - doing what she loves full-time. It's so nice to know that there are others out there who are not content to work their days away for someone else. I think this "work ethic" is so engrained in us that any thoughts we have that this is not the way we want to live amount to cultural blasphemy. So many people in my life who I've shared these sentiments with immediately write me off as lazy or idealistic. But the reality is, supporting yourself is probably a lot more "work". It's just so much more rewarding that it doesn't feel that way. I am so grateful to have found a group of people who share these values. It has given me the strength to admit that I want more out of life, and to go for it!